After my last post I got a call from the nurse informing me that Dr. P wanted me to "keep an eye on a cyst". So this morning I went in and of course the cyst is larger. Now the plan is to go back on Monday, hopefully it's gone or I they will have to drain it...doesn't sound like fun.
I have to be put under for the procedure so that means I miss work either Tuesday or Wednesday.
I am assuming I will still start injections on Friday but who knows at this point. The nurse said that I would but I haven't ordered my meds yet just to be safe.
I also lost my battle with the insurance company on paying for all of my injections today.
Get this.... the insurance company says they are covered but the pharmacy they are making me use has a $5000 lifetime cap. So I have to go by what the pharmacy says. Just for fun I called the pharmacy I used for our first IVF and they went ahead and tried to get it approved but the insurance company wouldn't accept it. It was worth a shot.
At what point do we just say enough already???
I forgot to mention that when we ask Hope if she was a baby brother or sister she says, "no, a dog" every single time.
At this point it would be much cheaper to get her a dog!!!!

Today's appointment

went really well. My doctor isn't worried about the blood test. He said it's a new test being offered through the Mayo Clinic and it basically confirmed what we already know. I need a TON of meds to get pregnant.
So we move on.........
Injections start on the 17th.

Tomorrow is the day... the day we find out if another baby is possible. I have an appt at 11:00 for a trial transfer. We will find out if the surgery I had worked.
I got a call today from the doctor's office that my blood work numbers came back low. So low that even if the surgery worked, I may not be able to get pregnant.
There is alot riding on the appointment tomorrow.
Either way I can handle it.
I'm disappointed but not upset.
I'm very thankful for what I have.
It just proves to me that we are very very lucky to have the child that we have.

I heard a funny story yesterday that I have to share.
My cousin and her daughter were in the check out line at the store and a man asked her daughter how old she was.

Her response, "Today I'm 4, next month I'll be 5 and my underwear is a size 6."

You never know what they are going to come up with!!!
The man was probably sorry he asked...lol

We are moving!

Yesterday was a very productive and stressful day.
We got another offer on our house.
We accepted the first offer though and put an offer on the one we wanted, they accepted.
All this happened within about a two hour time frame.
We move on Aug. 14th!
More to come....busy busy busy.

Update on the house

So the first people that looked at our house gave us an offer. It's $5000 less than our asking price. Not bad!! We had 4 or 5 more people come look at it today. I'm sure we will have more tomorrow.
If all goes well we will be putting an offer on this house tomorrow afternoon.
This was the first house we looked at. In the meantime we've had one or two others spark our interest but this one is hopefully the winner (it's Brinnon's favorite and has been from day one). Since we looked at it a few weeks ago, the owner dropped the price by $10,000!!!!



It's been such a crazy day I'm drinking wine...lol. I never drink anymore.
Here's the kicker, the person who put an offer on our house- wants to close the week we are scheduled for IVF. Of all the weeks it had to be THAT week (hence the wine drinking). Our agent said not to worry it will all work out. Did I mention that her daughter is going through infertility too???? At least we have someone that understands.

I really hate waiting

My body is pissing me off. This is the start of IVF month and what do you know I'm late....5 days late. Leave it to my body to screw things up. I even took a pregnancy test at 4:00 am this morning...stark white negative which I figured as much.
So I had to call into the doctor and of course they wanted to do blood work...why I don't know. It's not like there is going to be some miracle pregnancy this month. But what the heck stick me with a needle for the fun of it.
So we wait...........

On the house front, we listed our house on Monday afternoon. The pictures were added early Tuesday and by 10:00 am today I got a call that someone wanted to see it. Not bad for only being posted for about 3 hours. Based on the sign in sheet they were here for an hour. When I came back home at 6:45 their car was still in our driveway so I had to go around the block for awhile. I guess it's a good sign that they stayed for so long.
More waiting..... and freaking out because we haven't found a house yet. I keep telling myself it will all fall into place but I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

One night down...

I'm really embarrassed to admit this but I'm one of "those moms." At 23 months old, Hope still takes a bottle at night. I know, I know I was supposed to break her of this at 12 months but it wasn't that easy. She doesn't have a blanket that she sleeps with or even a stuffed animal. Her bottle was & is her comfort before she goes to bed at night. I've put it off for months until last night.
The past week or so have been rocky at night because she's wanted to sleep in our bed with us. She goes to bed pretty easily on her own but by midnight she is crying wanting to sleep with us. Recently she's decided that when she moves to our bed she wants another bottle, then another around 5:00. It's my fault that I gave her one the first time. However it was the middle of the night, we are exhausted and it stopped her from having a meltdown at 1:00 am.
So after a week of this nonsense, we sat her down and had a talk about the bottle. I really didn't think it would help but why not it's worth a try.
Last night around 10:00 she woke up wanting to come to our bed and she immediately wanted a bottle. Instead she got a sippy cup which she wasn't happy about but quickly accepted. She took a few drinks and then was done with it.

Not another peep the rest of the night about a bottle.

Tonight I am going to take all the bottles out of the house.
Out of sight, out of mind, possibly???

Next is the paci. That one is going to be tough!

For sale

No not Hope...lol but she might help sell the house if we stood her out by the sign (totally kidding). We took the plunge and our house will be on the market on Monday. The
"coming soon" part of this sign isn't for long. Our agents came and took pictures of the house tonight and as they left they said, "ok we'll put the sign in the yard on our way out". I seriously got a lump in my throat and fought back tears. I know it's silly but it's our first house and we have so many memories here. I'm sad to move but excited for what's to come.

Things have gotten better since my last post. We have all gotten more sleep, not sure what the problem was but I'm glad it has passed.
The house is coming along and should be ready to put on the market next week. I figured I would get some resistance from my family about moving but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. The area we are looking at is literally 7 minutes further for my parents than where we live now, which is nothing. My mom was fine with it, my dad thought it was far...lol. It's just the opposite direct then they are used to. Now my grandma is another story. She acted like we were moving to China. She's 92 years old! When would she ever drive to our house anyway. We've always gone to her for years. Then again the first time we moved she thought it was too far. No matter what we do, she won't be happy unless we live down the street from her...lol.
Last weekend we went to a few open houses and found 2 that we really like. Today I found 9 more than I want to check out. To say I'm excited is an understatement but the best part about it is that Hope will be in an awesome school district.
That is my #1 priority.

Going crazy

Brinnon and I have been through alot of sleepless nights this past week. Basically an entire week of sleeping and hour or so at a time. Add on the stress of getting the house ready to put it on the market and you've got two exhausted parents. Hope's sleeping problems are really starting to wear on me. It's getting so bad that I don't think I can handle trying for another child. As I typed that sentence tears started flowing.
This morning I called my mom at 8:00 am and she knew I had enough. She said she'd get in the shower and that I should head on over. So Hope went to Grandma's for the day. We'd been up every hour on the hour even with her in bed with us. I even took her to the doctor on Friday and nothing is wrong with her....Her doctor decided to try to treat her for pinworm (even though there are no symptoms but she was exposed to it a month or so back) but it's something that causes major sleep problems so I agreed. It's one tablet she had to take and we'll see.
As I type, she's in her bed crying because she is exhausted and won't go to bed. I'm listening to my ipod to drowned out the cries and I feel like a failure. I just can't do this anymore. I thought God wasn't supposed to give you anything that you can't handle???
Why can't I handle this? How can I let this stop us from adding to our family. I just can't do it. I can't. I can't go through the sleepless nights with a newborn and have Hope not sleeping to. Plus try to work 4 days a week. I can't begin to think about going through the first trimester with no sleep. I'm so tired and can't even think straight, my head hurts, I'm shaky. I just need a good nights sleep, we all do.
We've gone through so much to get to this stage in IVF and now I don't think I can go through with it. I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at Hope for being difficult (I know she can't help it, she's a toddler I know I know). I just wish she'd cut me a brake. Just one night.

Dee Dee did it

One minute "it" was there and the next "it" was gone.
"It" was Hope's popsicle and it was laying on an Elmo plate on the floor.
That was until the dog walked in the room and swallowed the whole thing, stick and all.

We looked for it for a minute thinking he couldn't have swallowed the stick.
We asked Hope were it went.
She said "Dee Dee" which means Peyton and pointed to the dog.

Right now we are praying it comes out the other end and we don't end up at the animal hospital.
So far so good, it been a day and he's acting fine.
Dog seems to eat just about anything.

Thinking that this IVF cycle would be completely covered by insurance was silly. There is always a catch. I started making calls to have my meds filled. Of course I was told they were covered however one woman I spoke to suggested to put in a trial order and see what comes back from the insurance company. A few days went by and I hadn't heard anything so I decided to call back. Again I was told it was covered BUT there is a $5000 lifetime max on fertility drugs. This would be fine if my body was normal and I didn't need 9 times the regular dosage. I'll need 3 or 4 extra vials of Follistim at $817 each so we're looking at around $3200. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining because the procedure is covered this time so that saves us $12,000 but with the house going on the market and looking at all the expenses that come along with it, this news threw me for a loop.
So I called the insurance company and they told me there is no max on fertility drugs and they will cover whatever is needed as long as I use their pharmacy (which I am). Do you see the confusion here?
Guess I'll be making more phone calls in the near future.

Post- Op Appointment & other news

Today was my post op appointment... My doctor was on time today!!! That was such a bonus. I sat in the waiting room for 10 minutes instead of an hour.
He was very excited about our upcoming IVF and said things went just fine during surgery. He said he went ahead and did a trial transfer when he was finished and everything was very smooth. I got to see numerous photos of the inside of my body which I could have done without but anyway. Has anyone ever told you that your uterus is beautiful? I laughed when he said it. I guess to a doctor, it can be. He was happy so I'm happy.
So I start injections on July 17th, everything else will be the week of the 26th.
We will do another trial transfer before I start injections just to be safe. He said there's about a 90% that everything will be fine. However he has seen cases were the body goes back to where it was. We'll just have to wait and see.

Totally different subject- Friday we signed paperwork to put our house on the market. Right now it's "coming soon". We have some painting, trim work, & electrical to do in the basement. Brin's dad is coming this weekend to help us. I'm excited yet scared to death. We want to sell our house before we find something else. I don't want to get my heart set on something and then not sell ours. Just for fun we have looked at a few but not impressed. One house smelled horrible and had air fresheners all over the basement. Gee, wonder if it leaks? It was 4 bedrooms but they were the size of closets. The other was nice but smelled like smoke. I'm sure there will be something out there.
My mom told me today that an old family friend once said "for every house there is a buyer and for every buyer there is a house".
Hopefully that will be true in our case.

Something other than bubble bath

Taking a shower with a child in the house can be hard to accomplish, at least at our house.
I've learned that when it's just Hope and I it's easier for me to jump in the tub than try to take a shower. The way our house is layed out I can have her watch Dora in the family room and can see her from the tub. Of course every few minutes she has to come and check on me but when I remind her that Dora is on she goes running back in the family room.
If I take a shower, her frequent checks causes problems because she pulls on the shower curtain and we end up with water on the floor.
So over the weekend we had multiple things going on and Brinnon had a few things to get done so I turned on Dora for Hope and got in the tub. In walks Hope with a bowl of Cheez It's in her hand and decided they needed to take a bath too.
Have you ever taken a bath with Cheez It's.... because I did this weekend...lol.
I'm glad she thought it was fun picking them one by one out of the water.
What a soggy mess!
I think I'll stick to bubble bath myself.

What a journey

Friday night we found a big fat frog in our backyard. Hope was having fun watching it jump and would yell 'ump ump' at it. She was hopping right along with him.
At the end of the night Brinnon took the frog and put it on the other side of the fence so Peyton (our black lab) wouldn't get it.
Let's fast forward to Saturday- we spent the morning at Grant's Farm and had a great time. Hope got to feed the goats, see a camel and an elephant. When we got home she was playing in the yard and the frog was back. Later my husband noticed Peyton slobbering like he never had before. He proceeded to get sick in the yard. As Brinnon walked over to see if he was ok he realized that Peyton has swallowed the frog WHOLE and threw him back up! The frog was ok. So he hosed him off and he's still in the backyard happy as could be!
What a journey that frog took today...lol.

The way I look at, we like to be alike in the Sassy household. What one does, the other does...
I had surgery last week, Hope will have surgery on Friday.
We had our check up with the ENT and he felt it was best to put a new set of tubes in her ears. His words, "I'm ready as soon as you are, the sooner the better." I was thrilled when I found out we could do it this Friday. I don't want her to suffer a day longer than she has to. He said she has thick fluid in her one ear. Fluid that won't drain by itself hence the new tubes. Poor baby probably can't hardly hear out of that ear.

Some cool news in the Hopester's world. She is truly potty training herself. She started over the weekend telling us when she had to go in the morning and before bedtime. I wasn't pushing it because she's really young to be doing this. Every morning this week I would ask her if she was going to use the potty at Aunt Bobbie's (her babysitter) and she would bluntly tell me no. Some mornings it was no, no, no with the finger shake...lol Except for this morning, when I asked her she said yes. I really didn't think much of it but I got a call at lunch time that she indeed used the potty (and again before I picked her up). She had an audience of 5 little girls all crammed in the bathroom to watch which I'm sure she loved being the center of attention. I have to give credit to these little girls because she is following in their footsteps. She wants to be just like them and do what the bigger girls do. I am also very thankful that they are all so good to each other. When I dropped Hope off late on Tuesday they were playing in the backyard. When Hope walked around the corner they all came running and gave her a hug. It was so cute. Then Hope went over to one of the younger girls and gave her a hug and a kiss. She could have cared less if I was there or not, she was so happy to be with her friends. I didn't feel so guilty taking some time to myself to run errands etc.

Please say a prayer that Friday goes smoothly. I'll be relieved when it's over and everything is ok.

Surgery went just fine.
The worst part for me is the IV. This time was no exception especially when I heard the nurse say "we've got a gusher". She proceeds to tell me not to look if I don't like blood. I didn't have to look because I could feel it dripping off my fingers. YUCK! I was sick to my stomach after that! There was also a guy in the area next to me and they couldn't find his vein to take blood. Between my situation and him talking about blood, veins, vampires sucking blood, I thought I was going to loose it. I was trying not to think about the needle in my hand and he was a constant reminder.
My doctor was running late, nothing unusual about that. Even though my surgery was moved up one hour to 12:00 we went into surgery at 1:30. He would have been only 30 minutes late had they left my surgery for the original time.
I was surprised when the anesthesiologist explained that they would be putting a tube down my throat, that I wasn't expecting (but I don't remember it). She also asked me if I was a red head and I said I was strawberry blonde growing up and she said then I'll give you anti nausea medicine. After she left, I said to Brinnon, "what does having red hair have to do with it".
Today I looked it up and supposedly red heads need 20% more anesthesia. We are stubborn what can I say!!!
So surgery took all of one hour and I was done.
The recovery nurse said that the nurses in the OR wanted her to tell me that I giggled through a lot of the procedure. They thought it was cute. I, of course, don't remember a thing. This isn't the first time I've laughed when I was under. When we did our egg retrieval I couldn't stop laughing in the recovery room.
I remember asking Brinnon what time it was every time I woke up. Each time he told me a different time so it was confusing me, not realizing that I was falling asleep between asking. I also asked him over and over if he had called my mom.
We got home around 4:00 and I was so happy to be able to eat dinner.
I'm doing good today, working and just started to get sore around 3:00. I'm ready to go home, take my pain meds, get in comfy clothes and cuddle up with my husband and daughter.

Pre-Op Appointment

Today I went for my pre-op appointment. Since Brinnon couldn't go with me I took my mom. I think she wanted to go but didn't want to ask if she could. So when I asked her I wasn't surprised when she said yes.
Dr. P was running at least an hour late as usual. I had a 10:00 am appointment and saw him at 11:30. The poor girl who had an appointment after me was told she had another hour wait right before I was called in. She'd been there as long as we had. So we are set for Thursday.
Sounds like it's not a big deal. I'll be sore but will be able to go back to work on Friday.
He also said that if this doesn't work, we will work around it.
He said there are other options, which he didn't go into detail.
And I didn't ask.
I don't want to go there unless we have to.
I'd rather be in the dark right now.

We had a busy weekend. Ended up buying a new car. I now have a mommy mobile!!! lol. We bought a Volkswagen Routan. I didn't think I would like having a mini van but once we drove it we were sold. I love having all the extra room!!!!
Sunday we went to the Cardinal game. Even though we lost, I enjoyed it. The weather was beautiful.

I'm starting to get a panicky feeling about having this surgery. I go for my pre-op appointment on Monday. Hopefully it will put my mind at ease. A few days ago I just wanted to cancel the whole thing. I'm so tired of this chapter of my life, I want to move on and focus on other things besides doctor appointments, trying to get pregnant, you know the drill.
I'm trying to work with Hope at home. Lately she wants what she wants, when she wants it. It doesn't matter if it's 5:30 in the morning, if she wants a Popsicle she stands at the refrigerator and throws a fit.
One night we were eating dinner and she refused to eat the food on her plate and kept pointing at the fridge, screaming. I finally figured out she wanted ranch dressing. I'll never make that mistake again. Heaven forbid!
Am I the only mom that forgets to brush their kids teeth in the morning? I swear I do this all the time, most of the time I remember on my way to work and have her brush them at night when we get home. I think her teeth are going to fall out. It's always a fight because she wants to do it all by herself so I'm lucky if she gets the front teeth brushed! She likes to just suck the toothpaste off the brush and then want more! We do this over and over until she tells me, "done mommy" and hands the toothbrush to me.
A few weeks back I got her ears pierced and she's been pretty good about letting me clean them everyday. However, we are supposed to clean them 2-3 per day and it only happens once. This morning I noticed that her left earring is starting to look infected. So we will have to clean them 2-3 times per day and I'm sure she's not going to like it.
Have a mentioned that she also hates the bathtub for some reason. She used to LOVE taking a bath. We couldn't get her out, she would play in there all night if we let her. Now she refuses and cries when I put her in. She HATES getting her hair washed but we have to do it.
Terrible two's here we come!

Just a reminder

to head over and visit Stellan's website today.

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Please keep him in your prayers today. He is having his heart surgery this morning. I can't focus on much else today, just waiting for an update to make sure he is ok.

I think it's safe to say that today is the first day that everyone in my house is healthy.

After Hope had the stomach flu we all got it.
Brinnon and I didn't have it near as bad as she did. We just didn't feel good. We made it through Easter and Hope had a blast finding eggs and meeting the Easter Bunny (who was my cousin Jackie).

As you can see, she wasn't a bit afraid of the Easter Bunny. She went right up there. I guess it was a good thing that it was my cousin inside that bunny suit!



I'm not sure what she was so excited about here but she sure was having fun!




We made sure to say goodbye to the Easter Bunny before we left (Hope pulled her tail)!

I hope you all had a great Easter. Sorry I'm a week late!

Since my last post, we made a trip to the emergency room.
I took Hope to the doctor on Friday because she was still sick and her fever was 104.
I figured the doctor would tell me it was a virus and she did.
She felt Hope was borderline on needing IV fluids because she had drank very little for 2 days and only ate one banana.
She told me to call her at 5:00 with an update.
About 4:45 I was getting ready to take Hope's temperature and call the doctor's office but they beat me to it. After going over everything and telling the nurse she hadn't drank a thing since we left the doctor's office (she absolutely refused) she talked to our doctor and they wanted us to take her to the hospital.
So we went and I felt she was still borderline, but we went. We didn't want to take any chances.
The ER doctor gave us 2 choices, IV or forcing liquids, either way would be a fight but she said forcing fluids would help her faster. So we spent the next few hours with the syringe and pedialyte. Oh that was sooooo fun (rolling my eyes here).
During this time two nurses told us "she sure has a temper doesn't she"...lol. I think every nurse that has ever seen her since she was born has told us that.
Two hours into forcing fluids Hope falls asleep in my arms. As she wakes up she vomits all the pedialyte that we have forced her to take in the past two hours. Leaving us exactly where we were when we got there.
I thought for sure the ER doc was going to do an IV but when she came back to check on her she said she felt like Hope absorbed enough since she kept it down for 2 hours. Her body got something out of it.
So we got to go home.
While we were there Hope got a Easter present from the nurse. It was a cute bag decorated like a bunny. Inside was a book, stuffed bunny, bubbles (which helped while we were trying to get her to drink), play dough and a card from the Brownie Troop that made it. It was really cute. I'm hoping that I can find a way to send a thank you to the little girls that made it.
Today was better, not 100% but we are getting there. Today she drank alot more but wouldn't eat. Hopefully tomorrow she'll be better because we are supposed to go to an Easter Egg Hunt and my cousin is going to be the Easter Bunny!

Whewwwww

Last night was rough.
Knew something was up with Hope because she was fussy.
Wouldn't eat dinner.
Wasn't acting like she felt good.
Woke up every hour or so and cried.
Went in and rubbed her back and she went back to sleep.

As we were getting ready for bed I mentioned to Brinnon
that I wouldn't be surprised if she got sick in the middle of the night.

About 1:30 I was right.
Brinnon went in to get her not realizing she had thrown up all over her bed.
As he picked her up she got sick all over him.

Spent the next hour or so giving her a bath, changing sheets, pj's,
the works, just to do it all over again and again.
It's really hard not to gag while cleaning up puke.
Not to mention she had explosive diarrhea in the bath tub.
That was fun.
By 6:00 am Brinnon was on his third shower.
I had lucked out and hadn't been puked on, just pooped on.
Until 7:00 am then it was my turn.
While Brinnon was getting in the shower.
She threw up 3 times in a row on the couch.

My poor baby was so sick.
Fever was 103.2
Thankfully she slept most of the day.
When she did want to eat she wanted a banana.
Which was fine with me because it's ok on the brat diet
and that was what I was going to stick to.

Around 5:00 her fever broke.
She seemed to feel much better and was giving
hugs and kisses.

Praying we don't get a middle of the night wake up call again tonight.
And that Brinnon and I don't catch it.

And so it's scheduled, surgery is set for April 30th.

Trial Transfer

This morning I went for my trial transfer. Thank god for a trial, because today we found out that an embryo transfer is no longer possible. At least the way things are now.
After waiting for Dr. P for 45 minutes with a full bladder ready to explode we finally got started only to find that my bladder had to be completely empty to even attempt a transfer. My body is so far from typical!!!!
So after 3 unsuccessful attempts he decided it's time to take a detour. No more bump in the road, we are at a stopping point.
One part of me says that this is the end of the road and we should just cut our losses. The other part of me says to fight for the family that I want to have and do everything possible to get it. I have to say that I took the news in stride at the doctors office however lost it when I got to the car.
So I am waiting for my IVF nurse to call me later today with a date for surgery. My uterus is such a twisted mess (it's literally pointing to my left shoulder) my doctor wants to go in and straighten it out. He feels it's the only way. Again he feels confident that he can go in a stretch it about 10 cm and that will get us past the c-section scar that is causing problems. Once I have this surgery he said we will get going on injections right away because stretching will only last so long.
I'm trying to stay positive and thankful for what I have given.

Another Bump in the Road

Today we redid my sonohystogram and found more "issues"

So we knew we had:
1. crappy egg production, body is acting like it's 40 instead of 32
2. screwed up uterus
3. retarded sperm

Now we can add:

4. Screwed up V shaped uterus with c-section scar interfering
5. 45 mm cyst on left ovary

So after about 30 minutes of poking around my doctor decided a transfer is possible, however for about 2 minutes he wasn't sure. That was a very long 2 minutes where I reminded myself that this was not the end of the world and that I have one child and I can be satisfied with that. Maybe it's not meant to be, still tried not to cry.
Then he said "we can do this, it's a tricky transfer but not impossible". "I can do and I'm comfortable doing it". Almost like he was giving himself a pep talk. I love this guy, he's so quirky.
There were two nurses in the room, my regular IVF nurse and a girl that was training. So I learned alot while he taught her. I was impressed with her since she's only been there about a week she really seemed to know her stuff.
So we are almost finished and Dr. P says let's check out the ovaries while we are here. So more poking around and then I see this HUGE black spot on the ultrasound machine. I said, "what the heck is that, it wasn't there last week".
We all laughed, a nervous laugh.
It's a cyst. A very large cyst. So it will either shrink on it's own or he will drain it. Sounds nasty to me. If he drains it he said they will put me under for the procedure.
So there's is another missed day at work on top of all my appointments that I already have.
So our journey to baby #2 just took a detour for the time being. Hopefully we will still be on track and start injections on the 17th but I am not holding my breath.
I'm trying to look at the bright side of things, we have a wonderful daughter and a slight chance at adding another child to the family. I'll take that slight chance.

Bling Bling

Today was a big day for Hope. We got her ears pierced!!!
I've debated about having it done and today just decided to do it. I was hoping they would have two people there so we could do both ears at the same time but no such luck.
I think it hurt me more than her...lol. She was such a big girl about it and just had a few tears when they did the first one and didn't even flinch for the second one. Once she got a lollipop she was fine and ready to shopping. (Can you see the little diamond stud in this picture?)
Afterwards we stopped and got her feet measured so we could get new shoes. She ended up with 4 new pairs. We also picked up two cute outfits for her cousin Lily. Her birthday is coming up this month and I needed something that would be easy to mail.
Hope's been showing off her earrings and was excited to show her daddy when he got home from work. She let me turn them and clean them before she went to bed tonight.
She's growing up so fast.
Today was a fun girls day out. We hadn't spend the day together like that in awhile.

Easter Pictures

It's probably nothing...(updated)

but I'm worried. I was giving Hope a bath tonight and found a lump under her skin. Brinnon and I are pretty sure at one time she had a bruise in that area but I can't remember. Heck, I can't even remember when I get a bruise where it came from. The lump about the size of pea, maybe a little bigger and very hard. When I press on it, she says "ouchy".
Anyway Brin is taking her to the doctor tomorrow at 11:00 to have it checked out.
Praying that it's nothing.....

**update** Brinnon took her to the doctor. Our regular doctor was on vacation so they saw the nurse practitioner (whom I love), she also had one of the other doctors look at it and they agreed that there is something under her skin, it's not attached to anything just sort of floating around between the skin and the fat layer. We are supposed to keep an eye on it for 10 days and see if it changes in size. If it gets smaller or goes away that's wonderful. If it gets larger then we'll probably have to have some tests run. If it stays the same then at some point we may have to have it removed. So at this point it seems it's a cyst.

This & That

This post will be all over the place because I have alot going through my head right now....

• Talked to the IVF nurse today. We are redoing the sono. Fun times! I was really hoping that she would forget. I asked if she thought the insurance company would cover it since we just did it a few weeks ago and she said yes. She's never had a problem with our insurance company however she has with others.
• April 7th I go for a trial transfer and another sono. At least we can do them both on the same day so I don't miss more work.
• I'm starting to think it's time to try to potty train Hope. The past two days she's told her babysitter when she pees. I don't know if she actually knows that she went or she just doesn't like feeling wet. I don't even know where to start. I bought a potty chair a few months back just in case, I guess I should get it out and see what happens.
• I'm very worried about my in laws, it's keeping me up at night. They are putting their house up for auction on Saturday (it's been on the market for probably a year). I'm crossing my fingers they get what they need to pay it off. Otherwise I think they will continue to try to live there but this economy is killing them. They own their own business and it's extremely slow. They are such good people and really deserve a break.
• We had hardwood floors installed in our house this week and I have alot of sweeping and cleaning up to do. I also need to unpack alot of boxes and figure out where to put things.
• It sucks when the tax man tells you that it didn't pay for you to work last year. He also put a damper on things when he told me that we weren't getting our normal $3000 back this year. The $3000 that I already spent on the hardwoods, damn the luck. That's what I get for spending money before we get it. (Note to self-don't do that anymore...lol)
• I really need to lose some weight. However when I start stims on the 17th it's a loss cause. So why bother! I'm going to gain weight from the IVF meds anyway.

Next post won't be in bullet form I just can't concentrate to write a full post and my head is killing me.

(Literally 10 minutes later- IVF nurse called back, Dr really wants the tests to be done on different days. He's afraid the trial transfer could scrap the cervix and the films would show the same thing as last time, so the sono is on the 6th and the trial transfer is on the 7th...rolling my eyes)

I could easily make this title of this post "Seriously" again and again because that's exactly what I said to the IVF nurse when she called yesterday.
Seems the dr wants to re-do my sonohysterogram. The sonohysterogram that he just told us last week looked great when we were sitting in his office. He's supposed to be on vacation this week however he's going over files and decided to check mine out again I guess. Well now he says there are shadows on the films and wants to make sure everything is ok. The doctor that originally did this thing left the practice (he also stated that everything looked fine during the test).
So I get to do this again.
My major question that I forgot to ask was if my insurance company will cover this or will they deny the claim since we just did this a few weeks ago! It's a $2300 test!
I see a delay on my stim date...... I haven't been told yet but I have a feeling it's coming.
Which means it will be June.
I wish he would have just taken his vacation and not bothered with my file!!!!!!

It can only get better from here

So today I go for my Monday appointment... waiting room is empty which seems odd but whatever. I sign in.

Nurse calls me up and asks what I'm coming in for today?????

Says they don't have me on the books, says they have me down for Tuesday.

Well my appt was Tuesday however the IVF nurse I talked to on Friday moved my appt to Monday. I'm about to lose it and she can tell. They seriously were on the verge of making me come back on Tuesday. However I told them I took a half day off from work for this appointment and could not come back on Tuesday. The girl that messed with my appts last week comes around the corner and says they will get me in and to go ahead and start my ultrasound and blood work, says they will get all my paperwork drawn up and it will just take a few minutes. I was more than willing to wait instead of coming back tomorrow.

In the meantime they are trying to figure out who I talked to. I mentioned that whoever I spoke to that changed my IVF dates to April 26th is the one that changed my appt. to today. Ahhhhh that would be the IVF nurse.

Don't get me wrong, I really like this doctor's office, I like the nurses, the doctor but they are making my head spin when it comes to appointments.

I had a different lady do my blood work today and I seriously can hardly lift my left arm. It's so sore and I can feel a lump just above the injection site. It hurts.... I'm being a baby but it's really sore.

IVF nurse comes in and we spend about an hour going over things. She explains that one of the doctors in the practice left so they are taking over all his patients, she swamped, remembers talking to me but doesn't remember changing my appt, apologizes. Really nice nurse, I like her, I understand. So I start BC pills tomorrow for a week, then off for a few days, then back on (they are getting my body on their timeline) go in for a practice transfer on the 7th, stims on the 16th or 17th I can't remember right now.
I'm getting excited.
And for those of you who know me well will be shocked to hear this but this cycle I am crossing my fingers for a BOY!!!!!
(of course a healthy baby is my main concern and either gender will be absolutely wonderful but I'm thinking blue this time).

Change in plans again

Just got a call from the IVF nurse wanting to move up our date to the week of April 26th, if that didn't work, I had to wait until June.
So the 26th it is......
I go in Monday to get started and chat with the nurse and get the whole schedule in writting. I think I'll need it with the way this doctor's office like to change things!

The Plan

Tuesday's appointment was pretty uneventful compared to the two days prior (beside he was running an hour late, which turned out ok because he spent ALOT of time with us).
We sat down with our doctor and went over test results.
He said "let's say you were just starting out and I didn't have your previous experience". I would say let's start with IUI.
My jaw dropped, no one has EVER given us that option. Our tests results came back very good. Much better than they did when we tried to have Hope.
He continued with "but since I have your history I think we should go with what works." So we went over everything, he gave us all our odds of success with IUI and we all agreed to do what we know works.
So we are on track for IVF the first week of May.
The nurse asked if we needed a price list for IVF. Do you know how wonderful it was to say that we had insurance coverage!!!!! She said, oh yeah that's right, I called and checked on you.
Everyone in the office was excited that we had coverage.
So now we wait until May.....

Seriously??? Round Two!

So I get another call this morning from the doctor's office, this time confirming my appointment and in the same sentence telling me that they don't have my films from a previous test so our appointment will be cancelled.
Are you freaking kidding me?
I about lost it on the phone, the woman knew I was pissed.
I asked her why they didn't tell me this yesterday when they called to tell me they "moved" my appointment to Wednesday. She didn't have an answer just the standard, "we don't look at the charts until the day before the appointment bullshit."
She proceeds to ask me to go by the hospital and pick them up. Do they think people don't work? At first I told her no, I understand that they have a checklist and all things on it need to be there or you can't get started...blah blah blah. But I've been down this road before. This one specific test that they need films on has NOTHING to do with proceeding with IVF. To top it off she has the report from the radiologist from the films saying that everything is perfectly fine. I also know that we have time until we start this IVF cycle so it's not like I can't get them this week and send them in!!!!!! (she didn't like hearing all that but I didn't give a rat's ass)

Anyway, at lunch today, I got in the car and drove my happy ass to St. Luke's to pick up the films.
I'm tempted to not even bring it up at the doctor tomorrow and see if they even ask for them. Had the woman even looked at our file she would have seen the notes and read that the doctor already has "our plan" worked out. Tomorrow we just go over the details.
We'll see what tomorrow brings, hopefully no more surprises!

Seriously??

Tomorrow we were supposed to have our appointment with our RE. However this morning at work my cell phone rang. Since I didn't recognize the number I almost didn't answer it. But at the last second I went ahead and did.
It was the doctor's office rescheduling our appointment. It wasn't one of those 'is ok if we moved you to xxx'. It was more like 'we canceled your appt and moved you to Wednesday, ok'.
Ummm no, not really, do I even have a choice?'
I asked when the next available appointment was and she said late April... oh come on now!

She just threw a wrench in my entire day.
I had a fun day planned, the day before my birthday, I was off work and was looking forward to having some me time and having lunch with a friend.
Going to the RE at 2:00 wasn't in the cards....

Waiting one more day to discuss 'the plan' for baby #2, isn't the end of the world..... I guess!

Limit on embryos?

I haven't said anything about the lunatic "octomom" because I was hoping she would go away but the story I read today really makes me mad.

http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=169025&catid=3

Because of this woman's stupidity, people that really want children that can't have them the "typical" way are going to suffer. This past week I've heard how the police have been called to her house numerous times, her children have even called 911. How is she going to raise all these kids? Why in the world would she want more? Why did she put her body through this knowing she's had multiples in the past? I just want to slap her upside the head with the stupid stick.

Let's just say if this legislation was passed before we tried to have Hope. She may or may not have been born. We transferred back 3 embryos. We knew the risks, we knew the slight chance of having multiples. We also knew how much it costs us to get where we were, we knew the stress, the heartbreak, the ONLY shot to have a baby.

We had ONE chance at the time because of the cost. I remember meeting our doctor for the first time and telling him we had just this one chance, just one and I cried.

We had 3 embryos and ONE baby.

To the everyday person, that knows nothing about infertility, hearing that someone transferred two embryos is probably alarming. In the world of IVF that is typical.
To a woman who wants a child, spent a fortune, went through months of testing, gets few or bad quality embryos after enduring multiple injections, ultrasounds etc, 2 might not be the answer.

In our case, we got 3, that's all, we went with all or nothing. Had we been told to just pick 2, I don't know what we would have done. How would we pick the one that would make a healthy baby? That last one would have been medical waste. They don't freeze just one embryo. What if my healthy child would have been medical waste????
I'm getting angrier and angrier as I type. Nothing I say will help.
Like I said because of one insane woman's stupidity others could suffer.

So should the government have any say in this, in my opinion, NO.
Do I think everyday people should have to pick up the tab on her stupidity? NO.
I don't think there is a right answer here except that this woman needed help and her doctor should have been the one to tell her no. From what I've read she used the same doctor each time. He knew she had problems because her mother went to him and told him, begged him not to do another procedure.
Stupid woman, stupid doctor!

Sorry needed to vent.............

Why did we just listen to Hope cry for over 20 minutes???? We haven't had to let her cry it out in months!!!months!!! She won, we caved! She's now sleeping on her daddy. The last few nights she gotten out of bed once before she went down for the night. We are heading in the wrong direction here. Listening to Hope crying "mommy" about made me cry. I couldn't handle it. I had to get my ipod out and try to drown it out. It didn't work.

Went to the ENT doctor today and he said he since she's prone to ear infections he won't make us wait until she has 3 more until he does tubes. Right now her right ear is fine, her left ear is not infected or red but it does have fluid built up behind the ear drum. He wants to see her in a few weeks and we'll make a decision then. Unless of course she gets another infection then that's a different story. He's hoping that we'll get through cold season and she won't need them.

As for IVF, it's nights like this that make me second guess another baby. I can't handle the one I have now...lol. But then I also think about the fun day Hope and I had shopping, making dinner together and camping out on the family room floor. As I was cleaning up from dinner tonight I listened to her giggling in the other room with her daddy. It was one of those moments that made me stop and smile.
One of these days I'll get it all together! I have to for Hope's sake.

Hope went to the doctor today for her 18 month check up, she's almost 20 months but she's been sick and with so much going on I sort of put it off. Her doctor also has the same day off during the week that I do so it makes it even harder because I have to switch my days around.
So she's now in the 25% percent tile for height and the 35% tile for weight. Her head is still big, 75% tile, which is better than it was at 95%. I guess she has her daddy's brain in there.

I was not surprised to hear that her left ear is still infected. Her doctor said if we can't get this one cleared up we'll probably get the go ahead from the ENT to get another set of tubes.

She got one shot, the nurse is so fast that when she said "all done" we didn't even know she had done it. I love that about her. Every shot Hope has gotten from her was so quick. Just a few tears today and then Hope gave the nurse a high five.
She got to pick out a Dora sticker and we were on our way home.

Brinnon had to go to the dentist today so he was able to go to the doctor with us then head to his appointment. It's always nice to have an extra set of hands to help out. Hope and I spent the rest of the day together.

Tonight we watched American Idol. Towards the end Hope stood up, took her daddy's hands and wanted him to dance with her. It was precious! She's really been a daddy's girl the past few weeks.

A little shocked....

Just got back from the Dr. and had an ultrasound to see how I responded to Clomid. To say I'm shocked is a HUGE understatement. The nurse said I did great. I have 5 VERY mature follicles. She said anything over 18 was good, all were over that and one was a 30.
She continues to say, be very careful this week. We do not want you pregnant with multiples..... uhhh that would have been good to know last night! A little to late on that info! Sorry that is too much information but I'm kinda freaked out!
I probably should have spoken up at that point and told her, I'm sure my eyes were as wide as saucers. I was speechless and just listened to her warnings.
The odds are VERY against that happening but you never know!

All other tests came back just fine so we meet with the doctor on March 11 and start IVF #2.
If I get pregnant this month without IVF I will be floored and scared to death that there is more than one!

Is today over yet?

Things have not slowed down here. Today I went for a sonohysterogram at the Dr. which was not easy, nothing is when it comes to my body but I got through it.... To give you an idea of how it went, the dr told me I was a trooper when we were finished. Fun Times!

Around 3:00 I got a call from Hope's babysitter and she said that Hope's ear drained again. The only reason she knew was because apparently Hope was sticking her finger in her ear and one of the other girls said, "look Hopee just pulled a big green boogie out of her ear"....lol Which I have to admit was pretty funny.
Since her tubes are gone I couldn't figure out why they be draining on their own so I called the dr's office. They wanted to see her since she's had 4 doses of antibiotic and she should be improving not getting worse. So we went to the doctor tonight. Hope was already tired from a long day, she was hungry and ready to go home. Trust me I was tired and wanted to go home too. The doctor said her ears looked really bad. Now both of them were infected and in her words "full of pus." She gave us a new prescription and recommend an antibiotic shot.
Giving a tired, hungry and sick toddler a shot is not fun. Shots suck in general but when you don't feel good they are 10 times worse.
I was warned that this was not an easy shot to do. It was a big needle, thick fluid and took more umph than just the average needle stick. I was also told she would have a bruise from the injection. We laid her on the table on her stomach, I had to lay on her upper body and keep her hands down while the nurse laid on her legs and feet and gave her the shot.
It was horrible, I felt horrible, she screamed and sobbed.
It's been a long day................

Tubes Tubes & more tubes

Well we are back in the same situation we were in last year at this time. Hope has ear infections again. After 2 nights of little to no sleep I called the doctor bright and early Monday morning. Sure enough she has ear infections and her tubes have moved out of place. One tube is laying in her ear canal and the other has just barely separated. She also has a monster cold to go along with it. Her little nose hasn't stopped running for days. She coughs so hard she gags, it sounds horrible.

Our doctor says we have to wait until she has 3 infections in a 6 month time frame again so that we can get tubes put back in. Since she had an ear infection in September our doctor said she's counting it. Technically, we need to have one more after this clears up. The bad thing is it takes her so long to get over them. That's why we did tubes in the first place. She's allergic to Penicillin so we don't have a lot of options when it comes to medication.

Today I went into work for 3 hours, I felt horrible about it but I had to get caught up. I picked Hope up at 11 and she was asleep in the car within minutes. Later in the afternoon she cried for two hours straight. Nothing made her happy, she was miserable and there wasn't much I could but hold her and give her her medicine. We read a lot of books and layed on the couch. My mom called and could hear how upset Hope was so she stopped by for about an hour. Having her here really helped because it took Hope's mind off not feeling good.

There is so much going on at our house right now my head is spinning. Between having work done on the house, going through IVF testing for our next round, being on Clomid this week, Brinnon's grandma being in the hospital, Hope being sick, not sleeping, missing work, I guess you could say I'm a mess. I can't keep anything straight lately. If I don't write it down then I forget about it. What happened to that great memory I had when I was a teenager???

Could we go back to normal please?

These were taken before Hope got sick. She's so funny lately. She brought these glasses home from her Grandma & Grandpa's house. I have a feeling they belong to one of her cousin's toys. She wears them around the house and laughs at herself.

Last night was like any other night. I picked up Hope from the sitters and headed home.
We walked to the mailbox together and got the mail. I always make her hold my hand the whole way there and back. Once inside she tugs at her coat and tries to unzip it herself. Sometimes she gets it, sometimes she doesn't. If she can't do it herself she gets antsy and fusses until I get it undone for her. I go through the mail and hand her the mail she gets that day (the ads and the junk mail but she thinks it's great).
I got her a snack, set it on the table with her sippy cup of juice and turned on Dora so I could get dinner going. She played quietly in the family room with her toys. Every once in awhile she would walk in the kitchen and hug my legs or just to see what I was doing.
I unloaded the dishwasher and continued making dinner.
I looked at the clock and realized she would be going to bed in 30 minutes or so. She goes to bed so early these days.
I thought to myself, "what am I doing?".
I stopped everything and went and laid down on the floor where Hope was playing.
She looked up at me with a huge smile and said "HI" and patted me on the shoulder.
At that moment I realized that I need to take that time when we get home, however short it may be, and spend it together.
Everything else can wait......

The word of the week

Hope's new word is "sorry" or her version which is "orry".

She learned it at the babysitters house on a snow day. The babysitters niece & nephew were there that day and were actually playing the game Sorry. Since the word was repeated over and over throughout the day, Hope picked it up. At first she would just say it randomly but lately she does things and then says, "orry".

Last night for instance, she was in the bathtub and reached up and hit me in the face then smacked the dog on the nose. I acted like she hurt my feeling and she stood up soaking wet and gave me a huge hug and said "orry". I was soaked but it didn't matter.

As we were leaving in the morning, she picked up the dog's water bowl and proceeded to dump the water and the floor. She looked up at me and said "orry". She tends to dump the dog's water bowl alot. We try to keep it up on the counter but the poor dog needs a drink now and then...lol

I'm starting to think she's doing things that she knows are wrong just to see if saying sorry makes it ok.

The Shark

I tend to want to try all the new gadgets that are out there. I had to have a Dyson before Hope was born, while it does a good job ours is about shot. We used to go through a vacuum a year so I thought a Dyson would be a good buy. It did a great job cleaning up after two big dogs and a cat when we had a lot of animals in the house. We've own it for about 2 years.

But lately I can't get it cleaned out all the way and the slogan that it won't clog really doesn't seem to be inaccurate. I beat the heck out of it on the side of the trash can when I empty it and I'm amazed at what comes out. Does anyone else have this problem?

I haven't given up on it yet but I have a feeling we'll be looking into a new vacuum in the future. Better yet we might just replace the carpet with hardwoods.

Having a toddler means I need something simple and fast that would clean our kitchen floor. So I checked online and found "The Shark".

While it's taking a few cleanings to convince me that steam can clean, I am really starting to like it. I'll be honest the first time I used it I thought it was a joke. I was so used to using chemicals to clean. It heats up in just a few seconds and really gets the sticky stuff up off the floor. The floors look really clean and they passed the white sock test. I really like that the floor is dry almost instantly. I'm not on my hands and knees anymore scrubbing sticky food that Hope has thrown on the floor. When your finished you just toss the cloth in the laundry. How simple is that?

The only thing that worries me is the warning that you can't leave it sitting on your floor because it gets so hot it can actually damage the floor.... I can easily see setting it down for a few minutes to do something else and coming back to melted tile. I also worry about Hope getting to close to it while plugged in, it doesn't have an on/off switch. So once it's plugged in it's starts heating up.

All in all, it's pretty cool and a nice new "gadget" to have around.

Here we go

This afternoon we met with our new IVF doctor, very nice man, only thing is he talks a mile a minute. Ok I know I talk fast, so for me to say he talks fast, that means he really talks fast. But Brin and I both left saying we liked him and felt comfortable with him. We love the fact that everything is done in the office and you don't have to go to the hospital to have procedures done like we did with our last doctor.
Now for what he had to say. He reviewed our history and was surprised at the dosages of IVF meds I was on last time and what I produced.
Since we never had a follow up with our old doc, we just got prego and went on our merry way, we never knew what went on behind the scenes.
I was give NINE times what a average person my age should require. NINE TIMES! and all we got were 6 eggs!!!! 6 that's it. If you gave a normal 30 year old nine times worth of meds she'd produce like a hundred eggs!
So the game plan is to do exactly what we did last time. Take nine times the regular dosages (he said he would go up to 10 but no higher) and see if we get. We are going to do an ultrasound and run some bloodwork and see if anything has improved.
At this point Brinnon's issues don't even come into play. His part we have a remedy for (ICSI).
Basically my body is acting like it's old and senile but the few eggs it produces are healthy. At least they are healthy because right now that's about all we have going for us.
We've decided that we will go for 2 tries and then we will not continue. That is what insurance covers so we are going to use what we have been given and whatever happens, happens.
So I think by April (as long as my ultrasound comes back ok this month) we should be doing injections.
Oh the thought of the lovely injections!!!!

While watching another episode of Dora (it's Hope's favorite these days), Dora's mom asks her what she want to be when she grows up.

So I ask Hope, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Hope says, "Meeee".

Gotta love it.

She's been learning what sounds animals make for awhile now. She's got alot of them down except for one in particular.

"Hope what does a duck do?"

Hope responds with, "duck, duck."

I guess that sounds right..lol maybe we've all had it wrong for all these years.

Friday I picked her up from the sitters and she was thrilled to show me her hair. I have to admit I left it like this all night because she just looked so darn cute. I'm happy she let the girls put something in her hair since she won't let me put a bow in her hair for anything. I told them to keep doing her hair everyday if she'll let them so hopefully she want to wear bows and ponytails soon.

Sorry for the lack in posts lately, I'm trying but can't seem to find a lot of time and when I do have time I don't know what to post about!!!!